Last week has been very depressing for me.
Family issues and a very rough break-up.
The worst thing was those happened the same day.
I almost got kicked out of the house, then had a break up over the phone.
I crumpled to pieces, woke up the following day with baggy, puffy eyes.
I didn’t know what to do. I just was convinced that I can’t be fixed anyhow, anymore.
This past few months I have resorted to self-destructive ways, no it’s not what you think it is, no drugs no alcohol.
Purely wrong choices. Depended in one person to define my happiness.
I have disregarded my family for that matter, disrespected them in a way I am very shameful of.
I didn’t know who I am anymore.
I had change drastically, lost my way completely.
Gone astray, I have led myself into a door of despair.
Wasn’t thinking hard enough.
Stopped fearing the consequences, I didn’t give a care anymore.
I was living at the moment, I wasn’t thinking what I would be experiencing eventually, poor choices that led me to my downfall.
Broken, desperate of help and yet I pushed people I loved away.
I thought I could do everything on my own now, thought I could manage to live life by myself, I asserted my independence, but no, I can’t stand for myself yet, forcing myself to face the raging storms of everyday was harder as I thought it would be.
My pride led me to endless arguments with all the people around me.
Said words that hurt, slashed, uttered words that cut through their hearts.
Did things that went against my principles, beliefs and faith.
I completely left the life I once happily lived, ventured into the very depths of temptation, quickly drowning in the quicksand of grime and dirt of this filthy world that promise false happiness and satisfaction. I was lured by my idea of love that didn’t do me any good.
I was poisoned by my own thoughts of love and fairy tale endings,
I guess I have to grow up and realise that this is reality and no matter how the world convince you to try and indulge into the “fun side”, there will never be an assurance and security behind the peer pressures of the friendly approach of this rather untrustworthy outside world.
Secular world. They have warned me long before and curiosity has led me astray. Now, I’m given a second chance and I won’t let this one just go to waste.
Forgiveness is the key. Humility - a value that I needed to impart on myself at this moment in life.
I am on my way to brighter days. and I believe it, deep down inside me is a lost soul willing to see the light again.
The darkness has drowned me at its deepest, I can see the surface, finally I could feel the sun’s rays in my face as I breathe in the new hope of tomorrow.